I haven’t read your book yet (sorry!), but honestly, I care more about other aspects of you than your porn career. I’m interested in that, but not in excessive detail; I already know about it, somewhat, although I haven’t seen your porn movies. I’m not offended by porn, mind you; I just haven’t seen a lot of hardcore porn movies. I’ve seen lots of comedy movies with you in them, plus the only season of Surreal Life I watched, I watched because of you.

I saw a documentary about you a few years ago, and I have seen things about you here and there, but before that, I only knew you by name. After hearing things about you, like being qualified to teach Kindergarten and knowing some martial arts, I just found you to be really interesting. Plus, the times I’ve seen you not performing and just being yourself, you seem like a sweet guy, and very intelligent, plus I’m interested in your personal beliefs on free speech and other freedoms. So, yes, while I can’t speak for anyone but myself, I’d rather read a book that covered more than just your porn career.

Ron, you know I love you. But c’mon, play nice. Writers, especially ghost writers, need to be nurtured and loved. We’re like houseplants, and I can’t help but feel like you just peed in my pot.

To your main point, do you honestly think people care more about puppies than your gigantic penis? I love puppies as much as anybody, but nobody’s going to pay to see a puppy in an adult film, much less 2000 adult films (unless they’re very, very, very mentally challenged and a little bit twisted).

You still want to do that chapter on PETA? Call me. We’ll make it happen. As I recall, you have enough stories for several sequels. But this time, please, I beg you, fuck the sheep.

How can you work with PETA? Dont they know you eat pussies?

j/k love ya, mean it.

UGH!! Of course people would care about your work with PETA! I would, at least. So if I would, that means other people would.. right? RIGHT.

Bottom line: Spitznagel’s a fucktard.