Terrorist Hates Comparisons to Ron Jeremy

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan – Captured al-Qaeda leader Khalid Shaikh Mohammed finally broke his silence Tuesday after U.S. and Pakistani officials made offhand remarks comparing the terrorist to famed porn star Ron Jeremy during a 12 hour interrogation.

“He just suddenly lost it,” Special Ops Lt. Col Henry Gibson said. “This apparently was a sore subject. We hit a nerve.”

The suspected mastermind of the Sept. 11 terror attacks, Shaikh Mohammed was captured last week by US and Pakistani forces and is considered to be the No. 3 man in the al-Qaeda terrorist organization. He also bears an uncanny resemblance to veteran porn actor Ron Jeremy, known in the adult industry as “The Hedgehog.”

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Hilary Clinton Hires Ron Jeremy as Advisor

Presidential candidate Hilary Clinton has hired Ron Jeremy as an advisor in her race for the White House.

“Ron Jeremy is the perfect guy for the job”, she explained today. “With his experience and length of service, he’s gonna be everything, in my hours of need.”

Husband Bill said of ex porn star and director Jeremy “Well Hillary and I sat down and thought of who we could bring in to help her in her campaign and we couldn’t think of anyone who had any relevant experience, then Hilary says that Ron just popped into her head.”

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